It's been fun but can I leave the country yet?

I’ve been told that my ever dwindling audience would appreciate more regular updates. Small snippets for easy digestion rather than gut busting essays. So, unbelievably here I am again, not but a week after my last blog. Perhaps I did find myself in the Gobi….. oooor may be not.

So, as the more perceptive of those of you may have noticed, we’ve just spent the last 5 days in the Gobi. Although we were a hair’s breadth away from leaving last week due a series of last minute communications, we couldn’t really leave Mongolia without seeing the Gobi right? Last minute decisions aside, we managed to set up our own itinerary and cobbled together a small perfectly formed group consisting of myself, Southern, Nelis (our glamorous Cuban/American producer friend) and Kares (a Parisian ex singer/rapper? now launching into photography.) After initial doubts of my ability to cope due to his romantic overtures to Nelis which the announced aim of getting a green card in order to work in NYC we were off to the Gobi with our old friend Pata and a new guide, Dochema.

                                (where we stopped for lunch, in the middle of nooooooowhere)


Despite a LOT of driving on topsy turvy dirt tracks this trip was wonderful. It even topped the last one. We all know I love lists so please find contributing factors to this fabulousness below:

-          We all got on, we all laughed at the same things, we all drank, they all smoked (sigh) and we were all over 25. After what amounted to iPod wars in the van we all discovered we liked the same type of music, though none of us were quite as obsessed with Jay-Z as Kares. No one could be.

-          Our guide Dochema was so determined to ensure that we had a good time that she pulled a camel ride at dusk out of the bag. What made this especially memorable was we were allowed to handle our  own camels, our guide was a 17 year old boy who hummed away as the stars got brighter and the world got quieter, there was minimal chafage (!), we could get so much closer to the horses on top of the huge camels, and last but not least, the moon was so  bright we needed no other illumination. Definitely one for the memory book.

-          The Gobi itself is amazing, honestly, we were in the middle of absolute nothingness. A vast expanse of flat scrubland when suddenly out of the blue we would see sand dunes, deserted temples in tiny valleys filled with birch trees, the flaming cliffs that look like a mini grand canyon and dinosaur remains were found, and most importantly, a tourist camp in the middle of our trip where we could have tepid warm showers. Bliss.

-          The people we met. We met a famous (but we would believe anything said to us right?) Mongolian pop star who sang the ‘Long Song’ in the aforementioned valley. Despite her incredibly annoying entourage with its mob mentality (shouldn’t the temple ruins be the attraction rather than us funny looking foreigners?) she was amazing, I can’t describe her singing so will put a recording on Facebook once I get it off Nelis mutter mutter.

-          The family we stayed with on the last day. They should be contacted by the Mongolian tourist board. Handsome husband, bright, sparky beautiful mother and much loved and poised daughter (though I was slightly disappointed to see her wearing Liverpool shorts, honestly). They could not have been more welcoming, warm and downright fun. Even their dog was good looking and friendly. You could tell they just wanted to know as much about us as we wanted to know about them. The daughter sang the long song to us in the warm and cosy ger, they dressed us up in their clothes and fell about laughing as we posed for photos, the ate shared breakfast with us in the shadow of the holy mountain and they took us on a little detour up a mountain and spelunking through some caves. I’ll admit I got halfway through and caved (narf) as my claustrophobia kicked in. But it was definitely an adventure and the views were incredible.

                          (for all of those who keep bugging me for wedding photos...)

                                     (looked like Cujo but acted like a big puppy)

The entire trip was a success and once again it brought home that you can have the most amazing scenery at your fingertips (which we did) but it’s the people who make it. Christ is this me speaking? I need chocolate. Now.

We are now back in UB and things have taken somewhat of a downturn. Our hostel are doing their utmost to test my legendary patience with their sheer disorganisation and belief that writing anything down, including bookings, is for losers. Despite booking for 4 nights we have already had to move out of our room as new (and I can only imagine more important?) guests were arriving and not a morning has gone by without someone asking if we are checking out today. ARGH! To counterbalance the incredible frustration this has caused we have the awesome news that Nelis is going to come and spend a few days in Beijing with us before flying back to Miami. She says she hasn’t been properly drunk in years so there’s a challenge! We’ve all had various ridiculous issues coming up against both Mongolian & Chinese bureaucracy whilst trying to get out of this country but Insha’Allah we should all be in Beijing on Monday. Don’t think that either facebook or blogspot work in China so this may be my last blog for a while. We are going to try to get into Tibet then head down to HK to sample Kai’s oat & blueberry pancakes (truly) but I have no doubts that power play and bureaucracy will scupper at some of our plans!


Goodbye from the Gobi!

Mongolia is my toilet.

I’ll admit that I’ve been delaying writing this blog as I’ve now left it so long that I expect to get RSI halfway through. Here’s hoping huh?

So we are now in Mongolia and maaan it’s an improvement on Russia. This disappoints me as I’ve always had a soft spot for Russki but bloody Nikita’s guest house on an island on Lake Baikal has scarred me for life. Lonely planet has a lot to bloody answer for as it gave this place such a glowing review that we felt we couldn’t miss it.

Uh huh.

Not only were we both ill (told you that train ride damaged me, and of course I had to infect Al as well, only fair) but it rained practically the whole time we were there, we had to fight to get a room that didn’t have copious amounts of goat excrement all over the floor, the 3 meals a day including in the exorbitant daily rate ALWAYS consisted of a tiny bit of fish, a lank lifeless salad and 3 day old bread and last but not least the bloody shop selling beer was closed allll the time. I hated the entire place and every single inhabitant of Khuzir at the time but upon calmer (and healthy) reflection there were some pretty cool elements to our trip. The island and lake were stunning, even in the freezing wind and rain, and the trip we took up north was great. When we were driving the windows were misted up so couldn’t see the scenery, we instead had plenty of time to admire the extreme skill of our driver in our Russian hybrid of a tank/people carrier. Seriously I was in awe.

                                          (Do I look like I'm enjoying myself?)

Also, I quite like the town, Khuzir, that Nikita’s was in, it had a pretty wild west feel to it, rickety wooden houses just plonked anywhere, no roads just dirt tracks and cows everywhere. Felt like a communist Delhi. I also was reminded, yet again, that I am my mother’s daughter as I thoroughly enjoyed the 15 min ferry rides at either end of our trip. The second one possibly as we were heading back to civilisation. One last great thing about our trip to Baikal was the people we met. Reeta & Saara, 2 cool blondies from Finland who we ended up travelling with in Mongolia and Vittorio, a flamboyant, slightly queenish, loud guy from Napoli who amused me no end. His reaction to the place was more extreme than mine and made me feel a whole heap better!

Following Baikal we got back to Irkutsk, which of course benefitted from this timing as we fell on all things civilised like starving folk. Literally. As soon as we got back to the hostel I made the most of being the only female there by taking a 45 min soak in the only shower as is my right. Following this Al and I hot footed it to the London Pub for a slap up meal and some beer. Culture be damned! Had a 2 course meal, used a flushing toilet 4 times in about 2 hours just because I could and got drunk on a pint of Baltika 7 and felt like a new woman. Irkutsk, despite your raffish nature and seeing a man rough up his wife on the street, I love you.

On to Mongolia! I love you even more. Ulaan Baatar is brilliantly mad, easy going and in your face. Everyone that I’ve spoken to has said get out of UB as soon as you can but following Russia, I took to this place like a duck to water. But then again it might just be that Al and have regularly had gut busting meals for about £8 between us. It also reminded me that ice cold showers are never a good idea when trying to wash as much hair as mine. Brain freeze!

After a couple nights we were off on a 7 day tour around central Mongolia with the lovely Reeta & Saara, our driver Pata and our guide Ogi. We basically drove from place to place on dirt tracks and stayed with nomadic families or camped along the way. Throughout the whole trip we saw endless (and varied!) countryside, from grass plains from horizon to horizon, alpine like forest, desert dunes and shrubs and vast meandering rivers. The country is flat out beautiful. We also saw an endless procession of eagles, vultures, horses (seriously SO MANY HORSES) sheep, goats, chipmunks (that carry the plague apparently, fact), camels and yaks. The gers aren't half bad either, obviously nicer when they are clean (sipping mare’s milk, bleugh, next to a fly covered bowl of what looked like sheep brains is never pleasent, but as forms of accommodation go they were pretty damn good. There is something seriously homey about getting your fire going in your ger and sitting happily in a room that is literally 20 degrees warmer than it is outside.

My toilet going experiences were much improved in the countryside as, basically, Mongolia was my toilet. After the various holes in the ground experienced in Russia, going to the loo in the great outdoors was, frankly, a real pleasure. Amazing views, no queues and the occasional yak to keep you company. On the long drives through completely flat countryside we discovered that I had the eye for rooting out suitable dips & hollows in the ground to provide adequate cover for a quick loo break. After a while I’d be looking for such spots for Reeta & Saara as well. Ogi didn’t need my services as she was happy to have a quick squat wherever which was a little awkward at times! Anyway, rather than witter on here are a few photos showing my personal highlights of the trip.

                                (The ubiquitous prayer bells)

                                (L'il old lady starting our fire)

                                (Me man, me make fire)

                                             (Yaaaaaaak)

                                (Some of the countless birds of prey)

                                (Mongolia is my toilet)

                                (Taking it all very seriously)

                           (Had the slowest camel so this was my usual view. Be thankful it's not scratch and sniff)

We are now back in UB trying to drum up a tour to the Gobi that doesn’t take 7 days again. We’ve met a Cuban lady who is a producer doing a show here on social issues in in Mongolia who is cool so we’ll see if she wants to come with. In the meantime we are just meandering around, looking at the Bogd Khan winter palace and the ridiculous presents that us foreigners gave to him, leapordskin covered ger anyone? How about an ordered shipment of stuffed animals representing every endangered animal out there? No? How about some jade chopsticks or a waistcoat made out of plus 700 mink shins? Madness. Alex was also particularly enamoured with the as much as you can eat Mongolian buffet we went to last night so we may be here a while people.

The next blog shall be from the mid boggling China, until then a bein tot!