Following Jeremy, Richard & James around Vietnam......

So. On to a new country we go, Viet Nam! Taking the second flight of our trip so far (ahhhh the ease of the thing!) we arrived in Hanoi. We elected to stay in the old quarter as the guide books waxed lyrical about stepping back in time and this being the old Asia that we all dream of. I tend to think of Thai beaches when I think of the South East but, honestly, what do I know eh?

In reality the Old Quarter was pretty cool, a warren of narrow streets teeming with mopeds, hawkers and everyday life. My theory is that people’s houses/apartments are pretty small in Vietnam so, like, China, people live their lives on the street. Beady eyes are a necessity in order to avoid dirty water that is chucked in the street from people cooking on their doorsteps. Don’t get me started on the man who sneezed all. The. Way. Down my arm as I sauntered past him on his moped.  Whilst wandering around the old streets and watching life in front of the gracefully decaying old French colonial buildings was a soothing way to pass a few days this inner peace was dragged out on to the street and battered by the masses of beeping mopeds, shrieks of woman selling oranges and kids playing football in amongst the traffic. Oxford st on Christmas eve has nothing on this.

Still, we set about with our usual sightseeing, a highlight being an American B52 that was shot down as the tide turned against the American Army in the Vietnam war. This landed in a small lake in a sleepy suburb and has been there ever since. After a strange bout of haggling for 2 motorbikes to take us there whilst a man kept yelling in my face and eventually trying to push me away, we were off. Through gritted teeth I kept my cool but seriously he was half my height and twice as annoying. It was worth it though, the journey was full of interesting twists and turns (I hate not being in charge or any vehicle I’m in mind) and the lake was surreal.

Who's that in the rearview mirror?

After a few exhausting days avoiding kamikaze mopeds and their mucus ejecting drivers we headed for what we hoped would be a soothing few days cruising around the beautiful Halong Bay. For those of you who have been living under a rock for the last year (or alternatively have never spoken to one Master Southern) this is the area where the Top Gear boys tried to reach a floating bar using their semi amphibian mopeds.  So in a world, beautiful. In fact there seems to be a competition on at the mo to name the 7  natural wonders of the world and the country to squeeze Halong bay in there. We were a bit unlucky with the weather but did have one day of sunshine and as you can see from the photos one day is all you need!

I’ll admit that the trip was ever so slightly tarnished by a night of karaoke (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!) but Al and I made a quick and what we thought was stealthy exit (so so wrong, everyone noticed) and managed to avoid any lasting damage. The trip involved a night’s stay on the boat and a night on Monkey Island and various other activities, some enjoyable, some…….not so much. Though I have to save my sympathy for the poor German girls who were wearing flip flops whilst we clambered up a steep, muddy, mozzie infested hill following our Vietnamese guide wearing wedges. Health and safety not high on the list of local tour guides! Further proof was the rust eaten old watch tower which we merrily climbed up to get our hair messed up by the high winds and enjoy the view. 

Recognise the person in the Liverpool shirt?

Onwards and upwards as they say. At least we worked up an appetite for our lunch of various types of sea food on the boat. I’m pretty sure the pinkish tinge to Al’s tan was due to the 40 or so bbq prawns he consumed.

Full of sea fauna and with my first of many sets of ridiculous tan lines we returned to Hanoi for one last bout of Italian ice cream and a little investigation into the father of Viet Nam, Ho Chi Minh, by visiting the National Museum, the Royal Palace and his famous house on stilts. Not to take away from his huge contribution to the country but don’t you think he looks a tad like a famous poultry chef?? 

His little house of stilts where he lived rather than the palace to show that he was a man of the people was rather nice though, nice and breezy. Now this was all very nice and cultural but we wanted to further our quest to see as many waxy dead men as possible in one year. So off we trotted, or rather oozed it was so bleeding hot, to his mausoleum, full of the joys of life in readiness to view a man who was so very very dead. Unfortunately this was not to be. The father of Vietnam was having his annual holiday and getting the full spa treatment and wax touch up in Russia. Mutter mutter. In an effort to contain the crushing disappointment felt by us both we knew we had to get out of Hanoi and move to pastures new, so we prepared to wind our way down the coast to Hue.